Monday, May 30, 2011

4 other celebs that need their own cartoon.


Word has come up the planned animated opus known as "the Governator" is cancelled.


It is sadness all around. Mainly because it showed us our own mortality.  Our biggest action star of the 80s and 90s is a terrible decision maker and the creator of Spider-man can't even get a decent Jackie Chan Adventures-type deal going on before his brain farts out a bunch of uninspired crap with robots. The Dream is Dead!

Off course, it's not the first time  celebrities have tried have stepped into cartoon lands. Mr T did it. Chuck Norris did it.  Even Damon Wayans had one! He's not even the best Wayans!
It's K.I. He writes bad movies as traps for his siblings.

But, you know, Governator was freaking stupid. It's a generic cartoon starring Ahnuld Jokes. Really old Ahnuld Jokes. Here, I made a chart.

Now they're just trying to come up with new stuff and failin. "Sperminator?" How about some "True Lies" jokes! How about "Conan the Marriage Destroyer?" How about "End of Days(In which I hide my secret illegitimate children).
As for Old Man Stan Lee, he's been trying to make celebs into  Superheros for years, and each one has been more embarassing than the last. I guess this is only sad depending on which level of credit you are willing to give Stan Lee. For those of you looking for evidence this man is not the reason you like Spider-Man, then  haven't you given Striperella, or the Backstreet Boys stuff or the threat of that Paris Hilton thing too much control over your life?

So here's a list of celebrities that Stan Lee should get to make "Superheros" from next.

Winona Ryder
TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT!
Pitch: "So Stan, you know how it is to have once been well regarded and now being relegated to cameos. Do it to Winona, but in animation. Put your penis back in your pants. Security!"
Synopsis:Winona Ryder is an actress by day, but by night she becomes the cat burglar known as "The Night Ryder!(C)". The Night Ryder must find aliens hidden on earth as expensive articles she probably could have bought during the day.



Then again, drugs often make options where none existed...
Charlie Sheen
Pitch: Say, 3 months and a half ago I read several jokes about cocaine addled, attempted murderer Charlie Sheen's drug fueled musings. I assume this will still be funny in the year this project will take to develop.
Synopsis: In a world ruled by darkness, only one man can stop evil. A rocks star from the planet mars, he has been imbued with Tiger CAN I PLEASE KILL MYSELF NOW?
Tupac Shakur
 Stuff is always less offensive when a dead guy writes it.
Pitch:You know, I think Tupac Shakur's name has only grown into legend ever since he got shot. I can only assume we can make money out of this somehow.
Synopsis: Everyone thinks Tupac died when he was fatally shot dead. His spirit lives on...as the Cosmic MC! Whenever black people are in danger, The Cosmic MC is there. He will defend the West Coast...OF THE UNIVERSE!

Sarah Palin

Kaw KAAAAAAW
Pitch: Have you ever seen this many drugs, Stan? I must have gone into 10 comas, hahahaha!  Still, we aren't paid in drugs to DO drugs. Let's see what the job is! Er...crap. I will be needing 1 more of everything...
Synopsis: Sarah Palin is a respected, apt stateswoman. There's one problem, though...the woman running for president right now is NOT Sarah Palin. The real Sarah Palin has been kidnapped by aliens and abandoned in a frozen prison planet, a clone put in her place to completely botch her chances at winning at any branch of goverment. The real Sarah Palin will use her survivalist skill, political savvy, and no nonsense attitude to rally a rebellion against her oppressors and save the earth in "Palin's Planet!"

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