Golden Age is all the Rage: The witch on the Haunted Hills

Wow. Marine Biology's so exciting!

If anyone really follows this blog with any consistency, they may have noticed I've been a bit obsessed. Obsessed with this:

How are you talking underwater?

This...gift of a panel, from Moon Girl fights crime #8. If anyone  would have followed they may wonder why I would care about this panel so much? It's not Robocop riding a unicorn, or even Dr Doom riding a unicorn.What's the big deal?

Well, in a nutshell, the big deal is that it's the exclamation point to an insane horror story where a Werewolf, a mermaid and a witch plot to rule the world, and are stopped by a uber-woman in short-shorts. The longer version is more hits to me, though.


The tale begins in a dark forest with a man escaping from a wolf , who takes the time to show him her true form! A good looking woman!

Meh. I'd still do her.

Turns out Mabelene the werewolf is working for the evil witch Lurani, who cites this as her sponsor spirits: the fiends of Archenar, Azrael, Cheth, Shin , Vau,  and many more funny names.

She sure as hell is enslaving a creature of MY nether regions.

 

But mostly the Moon-God, which is weird because it is the heroine of the story is also moon centric, also calls upon various spiritual entities for powers, and even has a moonstone as a source of her powers.  Doesn't this...Moon-God have a conflict of interest?

And could you pick up  breakfast on the way back?

In either case,  Lurani has been sending her Wolf girl(snicker) assistant Mabelene to to bring here men to sacrifice, that she may acquire power and as such, rrrrrrrrrrrule the wuuuuurld!  She is unaware, however, that  vacationing in that very creepy neck of the woods is Claire Lune, alias Moongirl, and Prince Mengu. Claire decides to take a dip in the lake, when all of a sudden she spots a mermaid, swimming in the lake with a chest on her hands. And you know, it goes exactly where you'd expect.

She isn't even angry: She just thinks your necks just needs to be fuckin' choked.

Claire, who does not bring here superpower giving moonstone with her to lake creepy-as-shit, is casually choked and buried under rocks by the mermaid.  This may seem out of line for our generation who grew up with  The Little Mermaid and Splash, but Mermaids are not to be fucked with. And that's not just cuz they ain't have no vagina in the traditional sense.

Still, Mengu bails her out and she learns a lot of creepy stuff has been happening in the area. Meanwhile, we learn that the mermaid was working for Lurani.

Soon we will be able to afford a shirt for you!

I am not sure where having a mermaid steal gold is part of the other plan. Like, you sacrifice humans because you need power to get earth-money, but you use the money to fund dark arts research? Maybe the power to control mermaids is the reward, because Undina the Mermaid spends the issue silent, while Mabelene the wolf  occassionally answers to stuff leading me to think Undina is not in control of herself. Still, Moon-God wants more blood, and so the Wolfgirl is dispatched to look for idiots to sacrifice.

Meanwhile, Moongirl is on the hunt for the werewolf bitch. Prince Mengu has some reservations about the existence of werewolves and mermaids, which I guess make less sense than an cyclopes and alien  amazon kidnappers.

Look, listen to the guy who descends from Hercules, you magic moonstone wearing princess: mermaids are not real!

But Moongirl eventually finds and kills the Wolfette, which makes Lurani shut down the whole operation, send away her demons, free the kidnapped people(I thought they'd gotten sacrificed...) and it results in this being the last panel of a Moongirl comic that doesn't have romance on the title.

I heard New York now allows mermaid-on-witch marriage.

I love this panel because I, as a man with too much free time in his hands, see a mishmash of a story with enslaved mythological creatures sacrificing victims  for money and I think, how could I make this make sense, if I where to adapt this material? And I am.  I already started working on it. You have been warned.

Are you coming on to me?

More Moon Girl fun

But for the simple things in life...

No way you can guess what happens next...

Context: A man wants to enter a contest, but his wife knows it could be dangerous to him.

What a predicament? Is there any way she can help this people?

Daaaaaamn, son! You got helped the fuck up!

If you guessed: She socks the guys in the face and suits up as him then congratulations, Moon Girl. You-You're wonderful: please don't help me!

Lost to the Internet: Star

"And does it involve taking off more of my clothes?"

My interest in Public Domain superheroes began last year, when it came to my attention that they, in fact, exist. Emboldened with this knowledge, I've been seeking ways to exploit this characters to meet my own demands. One of the characters that most called to me is one called Moon Girl.

Sorry! My bad. I'll start over. Ahem....Moon Girl!

Moon Girl doesn't show ass...she stomps it.

Moon Girl is what Golden Age Wonder Woman would be like if you took out most of the crazy from it. Hailing from a distant fake land, the Moon Girl is a foreign princess who came to America to fight crime, using her magic Moonstone. The book is known for it's erratic changes in thematic and genre.

Also, a witch rides a naked mermaid. I said MOST of the crazy.

According to International Superhero, the Crime- Busting lunatic had the aid of several characters, including  a cop and the irrespectably called Prince Mengu as well as another.

This other in question is the problem. Without a page on PDSH or international hero, this character you can't find any information on. I couldn't even find images. Only a mention by name. So I did the only reasonable thing to do. I downloaded all the comics(as well as every other comics the company did because no one cared enough to have them separately or on something that isn't torrents) to read the story. And since I don't want you to do that, I'll create a little profile here, because I don't know if I can add it to PDSH myself.

The story takes place during "Moon Girl Fights Crime" #7, which is two issues away from "Moon Girl Doesn't Live Here Anymore" #9. We meet our protagonist, Selena Brown, a young female orphan  living in a rural house with a big case of "fear of the moon". It also seems she thinks the Moon is talking to her or wants her to do something.

Late one night, Selena finds a magic moonstone necklace in her attic that  grants her super her stupid, stupid wish.

Because when you find jewelry, it's cleaning properties are your first concern.

Empowered, the kid uses the stones power to do chores.NOT use it to wrestle or sell it. Chores.

You're no fun.

Eventually after achieving  a legendary status in farm-handing, she gets to heroing. She rescues two men from falling to their deaths. The men, in a twist worthy of Shamalan, turn out to be hardened criminals who immediately want to exploit the superpowered pixie that saved them for crime. But come on, if you where given super-strength by a magic moonstone, would you let two guys who seem to be an ambulance chaser's wet dream threaten you?

You know, Stardust the Super Wizard would have turned their intestines into antfarms.

So, using her strength she helps the robbers into a bank.  Moon Girl hears of the ruckus and tries to help, but she...trips into a bunch of bricks and falls. She's a klutz like that. Selena is in big trouble as she  is left locked in the bank vault to die as the criminals make their escape. She..doesn't seem to use the Super power that allowed her to enter the  vault and there's no reason for it and she starts suffocating immediately. Must be one of those pressurized vaults that where all the rage in the 40s.

"And I'll show you a girl can't use her powers to get out of trouble!"

Moon Girl comes out of her stupor in time to whoop the criminals silly, but she doesn't know about Selena's artificial predicament until her Moonstone shows her. She frees her. Having discovered  her long lost cousin, Moon Girl immediately adopts her and and drafts her into  her war on crime and mermaids...

Where we're going, there's enough chores for a lifetime!

So Selena the girl who once feared the moon becomes...STAR! The Daughter(More like the cousin) of the Moon!

You can't capture this much awkward without reference.

So, I might as well put it out there. The new Comixology Moon Girl series might or might not have used her. But her possibilities are there if anyone else is planning on exploiting the Moon Girl's(admittedly shortlived) mythos. The rare female sidekick to a female superhero, Star really is Nobody's Favorite Lost to the Internet.

'Your name is now Starlet. Also, your only words in your final appearance are "Oooooh! What is it?" and "Tweet! Tweeeeeet!", Starlet. '